If Jesus had a Twitter account ...

None of what follows is mine, nor is the provocative title above -- "If Jesus had a Twitter account, what would his 160-character bio say?"

The question was posed by Susan Hogan, with whom I once was honored to share the title of "colleague" in the fraternity/sorority of daily newspaper religion writers. Her latest venture is Pretty Good Lutherans, in which she tells stories of faith so that their messages may become "tools of spiritual transformation."

Last week, she asked the above question.

Among the responses were several by Randy Schatz, whom I do not know and know nothing about (except that his Facebook bio identifies him as an "ELCA Lutheran in an ecumenical sort of way.")

His responses to "what Jesus' Twitter account would say" are the best summation of the Gospel I've read in a long time. Here they are:

"No time to tweet 2nite! Got a dinner date with some prostitutes, then to a movie with a gay freind. Peace! JC"
Wed at 8:43pm

"Meeting some dancers @ Ihop after they get off work. Like 3AM. Join us?"
Wed at 9:39pm

"Can you take the 3AM Ihop? I gotta stay up with a teen cutter in the psyc ward...step dad was messing with her. I sit with him in court 2morrow. JC."
Wed at 10:16pm

"On my way to Starbucks 2 meet college freshman started class yesterday...and found out she is pregnant...deciding what to choose."
Thu at 7:19am

Just passed churchy protesters with signs that say "God Hates Fags!". WTF?!?
Thu at 7:19am

@LarryKing & @Pope want to interview me. Maybee tomorrow, kinda busy 2day.
Thu at 7:20am

"Cutter made it through the night OK. Hanging w mom after step-dad's court thing...mom has tons of guilt. Gonna b a long day."
Thu at 7:22am

"Court is done. Heading 2 homeless shelter 2 start dinner. MEATLOAF =) Swing in if U R free. JC"
Thu at 1:26pm

"Volunteers had dinner started-thanx. Gotta go visit college gal's BF, he's got a ton of shame going. Maybe I'll give the M.N. Twins a little miracle 2night, just for fun =). JC"
Thu at 2:07pm

"Change of plans. Going 2 JV football game of a freind. Dad drinks the grocery money, mom has a black eye. Twins will have 2 win on their own. JC"
Thu at 2:38pm

"OK, so that field-goal was a miracle, what are you trying to say? Sat by that goofy dad. Nice guy, but seems lonely. His kid was the kicker.JC"
Thu at 3:03pm

"I find great humor in my followers who have GoodWill pick up the rubish sale left-overs. What part of 'first-fruits' is hard to understand? I'm just saying. JC"
Thu at 3:16pm

"Rejoycing with an industrial strength sinner who finally gave me a call. I had been hoping to hear from him soon. JC"
Thu at 4:32pm

Thank you Randy, Susan and Jesus.

Original posts at http://wrigleypreacher.blogspot.com